Dear Joe,
I have to wait fifteen more days before I can see my honey, and I don't know if I can make it without going insane. What do you suggest?
Thanks!
“Long-Distance
Lover”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear "Long
Distance Lover"
Phone woohoo, cyber woohoo, you get the idea...
Hang in there, buddy!
Joe
Dear Joe,
Phone woohoo....cyber woohoo.....yeah, but it still
leaves a bit of a void, if you catch my meaning,
Joe. I guess sometimes you just have to work with whatcha got. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Person
Who Wrote the Last Letter
A void? Well, then. I can send you a catalog or two
of items to help fill that "void"...
Joe
Q. Does that "catalogue" include pics of you Joe?
Jojo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. No, ma'am,
but you know where to find me. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe,
It is with desperation that I come to you as I haven't got a clue what to do about this.
I'm at my Grandfather's house for a rocking Christmas party, my wife and I holed up in the rec room playing pool when some blonde I used to know back when I wasn't much more than a teen shows up with a teenage son she says is mine. Now I'm not saying he isn't exactly, but how'm I supposed to know if she's trying to pull a fast one or not? Diane, my wife, is getting all pissy about it even though I told her, even if the kid is mine it was way before we even met.
So.... What do I do about the blonde with the kid, and how can I stop the wifey bitching 'til next christmas about this?
Toby
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Toby
I have a hard time relating to this one, my friend.
It seems that every woman I get pregnant has her
baby on my front lawn and takes off for the hills. I have raised all 14 of my kids on my own.
That being said, blame the mistletoe. It's nothing
but trouble.
Joe
Q. LOL, Poor Joe. How do you find time for romance with all those kids?
Padme74
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Padme74
I have all those kids because I find time for romance...
Joe
Q. I imagine that they would put quite a damper on things...
Padme74
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Padme74
Well, I have 14 kids by 4 different women. Does it
sound like my kids put a damper on things to you???
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe,
First let me thank you for taking some time off romancing and parenting to answere our questions.
My problem is that I'm an Angel, yes you read that right, and I was sent to Veronaville with a mission. Too bad for me my wings failed and I landed very ungentlemenlike in the backyard of a very beautiful women. This causing me to completely forget my mission.
What do you suggets me to do? Is there a potion or something I could drink to recover my memory? And if there isn't what should I do with the rest of my Angelic life?
Yourse Sincerely,
Gabriel
Halo
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Gabriel
Halo,
Let me get this straight. You just fell into the
backyard of a beautiful woman. And you're wanting
to recover some memory of some mission prior to this. My friend, your life couldn't get any better if you tried. Forget
remembering! Take off that halo and have a little
fun!
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Showcasing what a small attention span I often have for this game and how little I sometimes play, I bravely come to you with a newbie type of question:
Does aging have to be on for pregnancies to progress? It would seem so now that I think about it but will I even know if they're pregnant if I forever keep aging off?
Trusting it's an area of your expertise,
~That other Brynne chick
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A.Dear "other
Brynne chick"
No, aging does not have to be on for the pregnancy
to progress. And, oh yeah, you'll know. Trust me on
that one.
Joe
Q. Yup - Yet another silly question from me. I still shake my head at knowing so little about Sims2 when I used to be so involved with Sims1 but that seems like another lifetime ago now. I guess it was...
At any rate: This jealousy thing - How do I turn it off? I very wrongly assumed that I could spawn the adjuster from the casual woohoo mod and click jealousy then off. As my Sim is now having the living daylights slapped right out of her, I'm guessing that wasn't the way to go.
Words of wisdom then? And much gratitude in advance.
BrynneL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear BrynneL
If you're not opposed to using "non-awesome" hacks,
the Insiminator is a very handy thing to have for
exactly your purpose.
Joe
Q. Dear Joe.
I am a happily married woman and mother of ten, my husband and I have been married for a lol time and we're still crazy about each other. We have had the ocasional slip, like that thing with Gtretchen, but I forgave him and he never found out about Sam so that doesn't count.
My problem is this: Today while clothes shopping downtown I ran into a new guy in town, he introduced himself and we got talking and whoa! Not only is he smokin' hot, but we also seem to connect in a deeper and more meaningful way.
Should I risk my family on a fling with this guy, or should I try and forget him?
Natalija.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
hafta-copy-and-paste-your-name-because-I-can't-spell-it-
Rumor has it this guy is pretty much the stud, huh?
I mean he's just really that good looking. Huh?
Yeah?
So, what's your sign, baby?
Joe
worth-a-flip Natalija,
Q. Joe,
He is seriously the hottest guy I have laid eyes on since Sam, no doubt about it.
I'm a saggitarius baby, think we'll connect?
Natty
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Natty
(yes, that IS much better),
I'm a Taurus. We won't hate each other. I'll pick
you up at 9.
Oh. You meant him...
Joe
Q. Joe,
Meet me downtown at 9 is better.
and him Him who?
Natty
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Natty,
The guy you met on the street, that's "him Him
who". I hear he looks a lot like me. Nevermind
that, I'll be there at 8:45.
Joe
Q. Why is it that your species is so unbelievably possesive?
And if the option to propose a committed relationship has not indeed been optioned, then could we not assume that we're not in a committed relationship and thus jealousy is not necessary? How is it possible that a mere crush with someone results in getting the shit slapped out of you for holding hands with someone else? Crushes should not possess such jealousy and venom.
Lastly, is spousal abuse not a crime in Pleasantville? 'Cuz sometimes it actually doesn't seem all that pleasant over there...
Signed, ~Confuzzled
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
Confuzzled
Yeah, no kidding we're possessive! The other day I
got the absolute shit slapped out of me because I
was kissing a good friend of mine. You'd think Marina was my wife or something, sheesh. Oh, wait. She is my
wife. Damn. That's right.
Joe
Dear Joe,
Q. I've managed to fulfilled my lifetime want to be
a Mad Scientist early and maxed out
all seven
skills. Now, I'm bored and permanently platinum. What do I do? Have
kids? Continue the quest for alien life forms?
Change my aspiration to romance and woohoo until
the reaper comes 'a knockin?
I'm lost.
Yours truly,
Big R.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Big R.
{"Change my aspiration to romance and woohoo until
the reaper comes 'a knockin?"}
Bingo.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe, I have recently been informed that there is an alternate version of me somewhere in a parallel universe. This other me has developed a relationship with some chick named Brynne. Brynne, despite woohooing my brains out and appearing happy about it, has started to protest that she wants the guy that 'should have been perfect for her', either that or a four way orgy house. How do I convince her that I'm enough for her?
Kit
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Kit,
If this is the same Sim Brynne I've heard
about, she's not exactly hard to persuade, in game.
But she does want her cake and eat it, too, apparently.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Joe, I sometimes feel strangely compelled to do things, I feel like there's someone controlling me, telling me what to do. Like now for instance, All I want to do is make out and Woohoo with as many women as I can, but instead I find I'm just staying in bed with my wife in between her having 35 children in about three days. This isn't normal right? Especially since they're all girls. How'm I ever going to manage to pay for that many weddings?
J in Pleasantview.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear J in
Pleasantville
{"I find I'm just staying in bed with my wife in
between her having 35 children in about three
days."}
Ya think??? Sounds like
maybe if you got out of bed once in a while, she wouldn't be having so many damn kids. Anyway, I'm guessing you're
a fellow romance sim. Either that or Family.
Sheesh.
Don't worry about the weddings. You can cheat your
ass off with motherlode. I'm assuming you've
already cheated your ass off since you've managed to have 35 kids in 3 days. As for wanting to woohoo with as many women
as you can, well that's all part of our nature.
It'll happen. Work on that charisma, buddy.
And use a condom for Chrissakes!
Joe
Q. Hold on... Sims have birth control?
Data: "Joe-in-training"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
Joe-in-Training:
Lesson #1. Sims do not have condoms. It was a joke.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe,
I know.
Data
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Data
Okay.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The two of you are sooo funny.... 
Q. Dear Joe,
Speaking of offsprings I wonder if I should try and realise my baby want? My partner is a Romance (I myself used to be one). Do you think it would be ok for us to start a family?
I've noticed you've been handling parenting wonderfully. I'm a bit concerned if my partner is able to handle it as good as you do, tho.
Greets,
Erica
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Erica
Can you handle a bunch
of rugrats running around? As long as one of you
can, you should be okay. I've raised mine singlehandedly because the
mothers of my kids couldn't handle the pressure.
Bella, I can maybe understand. But Jennie
and Brandi are family sims!!!!
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Joe,
I think the world has gone mad. I don't know how, or why, but now I have over 100 offspring and still am being pressured into more, something about a particular look we're not achieving. How can I stop this madness?
J in Pleasantview
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear J in
Pleasantview
Blame Jason for being so freakishly handsome. Like
his father, of course. Also, you need my parents'
genes. Which you don't have. So nyah.
Joe
Q. Dear Joe,
I recently met a guy who was visiting my hometown on holiday, we had a great time at the pool hall and then he left and I haven't heard from him again since.
Which is a shame, since I'd really like to introduce him to his son, Sammy:
Nadine.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Nadine
Uhhhhhhhh...Doesn't look like anyone I know!!! Why is everyone staring at me??!!
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe
Someone married me to an ugly woman
"who-shall-remain-nameless". How can I get even
with her. I want a hot guy like you. 
Katze
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Katze
Do you want to get even with "W.S.R.N.", or the
person who set you up with her?
And of course you want a hot guy like me.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe,
You are my hero man. In an effort to reach the heights of your super-player status, I took a bit of a shortcut. I called a Gypsy that makes housecalls and purchased a number of Love Potion 8.5 It worked I am living La Vida Loca..but every night I go to sleep I only dream of the Gypsy! I only met this woman once..but every night she invades my dreams. What should I do?
Signed,
Gyped by the Gypsy
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Gyped,
Screw the gypsy. You might as well.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Joe,
A. I am currently a Senior at Sim State....GO LLAMAS!!!....anyway during my freshman year I hooked up with the totally rockin spikey haired chick named Jan. She graduated and now her Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Granddaughter is living in my dorm. My question is...are there enough greats in her relations to Stella for me to have a GREAT time with her?
Signed,
Wanting a Great
Time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Wanting
a Great Time,
First off, I think you are misunderstanding the
meaning of "great" in this case. The number of
"great"s for this granddaughter is referring to the number of generations she is removed from Jan. It does not quantify the
"greatness" of the time to be had with her.
All you can do is try, my friend. If she sucks,
then she sucks. If she blows, then she blows.
Either way, that's great. *wink*
I can't believe I just went there.
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Dear Joe,
As I am now a Joe-Im-Training, am I related to you?
Data
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Data
(aka Joe-In-Training),
There's always that possibility, I suppose, but no.
I don't think so.
But then again, what's your mom's name?
Joe
Q. Dear Joe
I was hoping you'd be able to help me out of a sticky situation.
My twin sister and I have both recently started university (Sim State) and got invited to a party.I don't remember all the details exactly (It was a pretty wild party) But from what I can make out we both ended up in bed with the same guy. Not at the same time.
My sister thinks he's wonderful and that it was something macigal and special, but I feel this guy is just a sleeze. Should I tell my sister what he's really like? I don't want her to get hurt, and it seems like she really likes him a lot.
Regards, Kerry
Confused of Mayfair
Plaza
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
[QUOTE: I was hoping you'd be able to help me out
of a sticky situation.]
Pun intended?
I'm sorry. That was gross.
Okay, first off, do you know this guy any more than
your sister does? What makes you think he's a
sleaze? What if he thinks you two are the "sleazes" because you both slept with him in the same night? That's kinda freaky
deaky, there, chica.
Give me a little more info and your telephone
number, and I'll get right on it. Oh, and I'll need
your bra sizes in order to really assess the situation. In fact, a
picture would be best.
Joe Kerry Confused
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q.Dear Joe
OK, here's the full story.
My sister and I were at the party, there was a lot of booze and a fair amount of dope going around... We were both sitting with Dieter and then he went off with Arianne, my sister.
After they left I stayed with the other guys smoking, I have never felt so high in my whole life, I felt like I was floating and turning somersaults in the air. I don't know how long for, time had no meaning anymore. The room was so filled with smoke it was hard to see your hand in front of your face and my eyes weren't too keen on focussing by then either.
He came and sat behind me, his legs around mine, I was too stoned and hazy to see or even care exactly who he was, but I could feel his tight muscular chest pressing against my back, and his strong arms around me as we passed the pipe between us.
When he started kissing me it seemed so natural, and when he pulled my top off I didn't care, even though we were still in the room with everyone else. We could hardly even see each other, no way anyone else could have seen what was going on.
I'm not sure what came over me, I'd never do anything like this usually, must have been the weed, and the way his body felt against mine. He was no fumbling boy, he knew just how to push my buttons.
We made love, right there, in the room, he turned me around on his lap, half kneeling on the cushions, half naked, my head buried in his shoulder to stop from crying out. It was the most intense experience I have ever had.
I didn't find out until talking to Arianne the next morning that he'd left her sleeping, to come back for me.
Kerry Confused of
Mayfair Plaza
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
Uh...hmmm
Is it getting hot in here? Can't we open a window,
or something? TURN ON THE FREAKING AC, PEOPLE!
Okay. Fuck. Whew.
Kpe.
I MEAN
Joe. Kerry Confused
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear
P.S.
Do I know you????????
JoeKerry Confused
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Joe,
I don't think so, have you ever been to Mayfair Plaza?
Kerry
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Kerry
(gulp)
Yes. Yes, I have.
Joe
Can someone bring me a glass of water? PLEASE?!
Maybe toss in some kind of mind-altering drug?
Q. Joe,
You probably ran into one of my relatives, I have 14 siblings and who knows how many cousins, and nieces.
Thinking about it.... Do you play pool?
Kerry
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Kerry
Please tell me you're not my daughter. PLEASE, FOR
THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME YOU'RE NOT MY KID!!!!!
JOE!!!!
I mean
Joe.
Nah I doubt it, my mum and dad have been together
just about forever. Unless my mum looks familiar to
you?... 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Kerry,
Hrmm...no. Nope. Can't say she does. What a relief!
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Joe,
Don't panic so much, I'm the one who should look
familiar to you... 
Nadine
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nadine
hi.howareyou...
Joe I MEAN
Joe
Nice weather, outside, huh?!! HUH??!!!
Get moving with the water,
STAT.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe,
Well it's warmer than last time we were talking
that's for sure. It appears you left a little
something behind on your vacation.... Or should I
say two little somethings? I'm sure you'll be thrilled to meet: Sammi: 
And Harley:
Nadine
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Nadine
Nope, I definitely
didn't bring any kids with me on that trip. And the only thing I left behind was a shoe, because I couldn't get it off
the ceiling fan.
So, no. You might want to check the lost and found.
Cute little tykes, though, huh?
Joe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe
Sure, whatever, just thought you should know.
Nadine
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A. Dear Nadine
Okay, then.
Joe
NEXT
QUESTION!
Click the logo and register for the CuppaJoe forum. Over 500 active members and going strong!